A Brief Foray into Mental Health
Mar. 21st, 2019 09:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
legend_lure posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
creativitycauldron Ahoy folks, Chris here. You look great today! Are you trying anything new, or do you always look that dapper?
Today I'll begin with a little bit about me:
My name is Chris Swiney, but I chose Chris Kobold as a pen name for my early writing career and it stuck. I'm 21 years old, 6'6" tall, and I've struggled with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) for as long as I can remember (among other things). I tested well in school, but almost failed out of high school for never doing homework. I dropped out of community college because it wasn't rewarding or promising enough to justify me staying.
ADHD, as I've come to understand it, affects the reward pathways of the brain--thereby making a person more impulsive and less careful/calculating. Procrastination is a huge ill effect of ADHD, which makes me seem super lazy to people who don't get it. That really sucks, because there are lots of things I want to do in this life of mine.
Because of my mental condition, creating the things I want to create is a lot more difficult than I feel it should be. This is the case for innumerable artists of all creeds out there, I'm sure.
All this to say, I suppose, that no great artist ever became so without obstacles they had to overcome. If Beethoven was deaf and still made masterpieces of music, I can surely focus enough to make my own masterpieces.
You will too.
That's it for now, my brothers and sisters of this coven. I'd love to hear any stories you're willing to share regarding artistry, mental health, motivation, etc. as well as any encouragement you may have to offer. Thanks for hearing me out <3
Stay excellent, and happy Spring!
-Chris Kobold
Today I'll begin with a little bit about me:
My name is Chris Swiney, but I chose Chris Kobold as a pen name for my early writing career and it stuck. I'm 21 years old, 6'6" tall, and I've struggled with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) for as long as I can remember (among other things). I tested well in school, but almost failed out of high school for never doing homework. I dropped out of community college because it wasn't rewarding or promising enough to justify me staying.
ADHD, as I've come to understand it, affects the reward pathways of the brain--thereby making a person more impulsive and less careful/calculating. Procrastination is a huge ill effect of ADHD, which makes me seem super lazy to people who don't get it. That really sucks, because there are lots of things I want to do in this life of mine.
Because of my mental condition, creating the things I want to create is a lot more difficult than I feel it should be. This is the case for innumerable artists of all creeds out there, I'm sure.
All this to say, I suppose, that no great artist ever became so without obstacles they had to overcome. If Beethoven was deaf and still made masterpieces of music, I can surely focus enough to make my own masterpieces.
You will too.
That's it for now, my brothers and sisters of this coven. I'd love to hear any stories you're willing to share regarding artistry, mental health, motivation, etc. as well as any encouragement you may have to offer. Thanks for hearing me out <3
Stay excellent, and happy Spring!
-Chris Kobold
Mental health and social media
Date: 2019-04-30 09:14 pm (UTC)I'm bipolar, or manic-depressive, to use an older term. The mania used to take a much more energetic form, years and years ago. I'd stay awake for days at a time, completing projects all at once without any breaks, then collapse and sleep for 12 or more hours. Nowadays it's much less energetic and more of a mental mania: I can't get my brain to shut off sometimes, so I read or I go down to my studio and make stuff, or venture into the virtual world and DJ and go dancing until the wee hours. The depression is much more common in recent years, though, and we all know how that is usually expressed is by not having interest in doing anything at all. Can't focus enough to read, don't feel creative at all, not even interested in listening to music or talking to anyone. Just want to sleep all the time, because dreams are effortless and sleeping is easier than trying to deal with the everyday weight of existence.
Regardless of whether I am up or down, one thing remains constant: I abhor social media. Partly because so much of it is downright banal, but the other reason is kind of a big deal: social media terrifies and intimidates me. Unlike many of you, I was not raised with computers, cell phones or social media. The idea of posting every little thing constantly appeals to me about as much as acting like a town crier and shouting out my front door every time I cook a meal or whatever it is people post about. The flip side of that coin is the pressure I feel when it comes time to respond publicly to something someone else posted. I hem and I haw, I keep telling myself I'll reply next time, because I need time to think up something witty and clever to say. I see what others post and I WANT to be supportive, I do: it's just that I feel like nothing I say is ever good enough. I'm pretty sure the world is about to discover I have absolutely nothing worth saying.
I see your posts. I immediately think of and discard at least 20 nice replies. And so a lot of the time, I simply end up never posting at all. I'm going to work on being better about this, so bear with me. I'm older and this is all so vastly different from how I grew up. I probably won't start posting every meal I make, but I do want to be more interactive with people that interest me, like you. Like Ari. Like Sooj.
I'm glad you've said the things you said here. Your bravery has encouraged me to try and be brave, too.
So thank you!
~badger~